Got Stupid Problems - We Can Help!

Thank you, Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog. You get me, you really get me. (Oh, and I love you.)

As HE so brilliantly remarks:

"One great thing about infomercials for stupid products is that they tell you about problems you never knew anyone had. "

It's amazing how many commercials are like this. "Don't you hate it when your nuts get smashed by the doorknob?!" (Man grimaces in pain.) "Introducing the No-Eunuch foam doorknob cover!"

Or... the pieceless puzzle. The tagline is - "Not just another puzzle" - they should have added: "...because it's for morons."

But, of course, there are other products that are also only useful if you're a freak. Presenting DramaTel - the tool that promotes you from annoying into psychotic:

The ad begins by saying "if someone is dodging your call - there must be a pretty good reason" - then goes on to decide that that reason is irrelevant: you should trick the person into taking your call anyway. Brilliance. They should rename this"the Stalker's Delight".

Not only that, they make the assumption that some black dude will have a "baby's momma" he's avoiding. Nice.

Best of all, the scenarios are so fucking cheesy. The whole thing reminds of a time, many moons ago when I had to go to a clinic in a sketchy area of NYC. While we patients were in the waiting room, we were treated to the most absurd STD video I had ever seen. In fact it was so bad it was surreal - something to rival the bad PSAs of your childhood.

Black dude 1 to friend: "What up, hommie!"

Black dude 2: "I'm on my way to do this hot momma!"

Black dude 1: "You gonna cover up?!"

Black dude 2: "No, man! Why I gots to wear a rubber on my Johnston?!!"

Scene cuts to next day.

Black dude 2: "Man! My Johnston is ITCHY!

Oh Sweet Mother of Mercy...

Even this ad appears more sane, in comparison.